I’ll never forget the feeling in my stomach when I was waiting to meet you. It didn’t go away for a few days. You were so tiny. Two months old but resembled a newborn.
Have you ever looked at a picture and been so overwhelmed with emotion that your heart literally ached?
Driving away. Driving away from your home. The only home you have ever known.
I wanted a boy. At the time, I already had one boy, so I knew what to expect. But that was not really the reason.
I need to be all in. Superficially, I am. I preach about openness and having a heart for foster care.
This is about a very different type of mom guilt. One I am assuming that I don’t share with many.
It has been 131 days that I have known you might not stay with me, but it was made real 2 days ago.
The physical abuse stopped once I threatened to fight back. The shaming, the degrading, and the criticizing never ended. 27 years later I was given my reason.
“I couldn’t do it, I’d get too attached.” This is the single greatest excuse I have heard as to why people claim they aren’t fostering.
I know everyone's heart is different and sadly not everyone views my kids the way I do. I love them all equally and I will do everything in my power to make sure they each feel that love and to make sure others in our circle don't make them feel differently.