It was April 3, 2014.
I got a Facebook message – “Hey! How’s life been treating you??
To reply or not to reply…
You see, if I was right with God at the time, I probably wouldn’t have replied.
But I was struggling and I had been engaged in some self-destructive behavior for way too long.
That conversation led to many more and a thirteen-hour drive to Jacksonville, North Carolina over Memorial Day weekend.
A weekend I still wasn’t 100% committed to, but drove anyways.
Have you ever heard of a heart change? Not like the surgical kind but the life kind, the God kind.
There’s no better way to explain it than that. I felt it instantly but I fought it.
I had bad habits, bad relationships, bad memories, and just plain bad examples to overcome.
But you know what?
He loved me through it all. All the messes, mistakes, and stupidity, he forgave and forgot and showed grace and mercy. He had plenty to overcome as well, and that makes it all the more beautiful.
I didn’t realize it then, but God was planting Alex in my life to strengthen my relationship with Christ, and his.
If you talk to Alex, he’ll comment that I make him want to be a better person, that I’m an overachiever and I’m hard to keep up with.
Funny thing is, being his wife makes me want to be that person.
I think that’s how love is supposed to be. Two people helping each other become a better person, in life, in love and in Christ.
Something I had forgotten was that God loved me through it all too. Nothing could separate me from God’s love. Kind of arrogant of me to think I had that power when I think about it.
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
I have no doubt that God used Alex to save me. To save me from the mess and show me real, true, raw love.
To show me that love was a choice. A choice made full of commitment and trust, disappointment and forgiveness. A conscious choice made over and over again, every day.